Love and Disability

Curated by Joschi Shea

Exploring sexuality is a complicated and difficult activity in a young person’s life. Especially if you have a disability. In this program you will see how a range of people are discovering intimacy, love and sex across a spectrum of bodies, abilities and orientations. Picture This is a documentary that gives us a view into the life of Andrew Gurza, a Toronto activist promoting a positive outlook about disability, queerness, sexuality and body image. He is outspoken in his writing, podcasts and conversation about his experiences, both good and bad. His feelings are: “I don’t accept that I have to stay in my chair and be lonely and untouched.” Andrew describes the transactional touching that he experiences from his personal care workers, and how different it is from the real touching that he craves. He is careful to explain that even sex workers can’t provide what he is looking for. He is surrounded by friends and like-minded advocates who are tackling the subject head-on, with projects like Deliciously Disabled, a sex-positive play party. Squirmy and Grubs is a YouTube channel by Hannah Aylward and Shane Burcaw that details events in their relationship and lives together.

In their episode, How to Cuddle – 5 Amazing Cuddling Tips they joke about body size disparity and intimacy. Shane has muscular atrophy. So, for example, he can’t walk and eats with help. Hannah doesn’t have a disability and she helps him with ADLs (activities of daily living). That includes cuddling. They demonstrate their favourite, strangely named positions: Atrophied Little Spoon, Dweeb Dance and Prenuptial Pigs. These guys are funny, but there is also a tender intimacy in everything they do. And the last position is freaky. In Prends-moi a young, disabled couple living in a nursing home are struggling to have sex. The home, in Quebec, has an “intimacy room” where they are brought by an attendant named Mani. He thinks that it’s weird that he has to help. Therefore, he is mean to the male character. We see him roughly pulling off the young man’s Attend. The young woman, who is naked and rubbing herself, is frustrated by Mani’s unwillingness to bring her closer to her young man. They both feel it is not working.

Mani’s supervisor reminds him that he has to do the job. The second time the young couple goes to the intimacy room, Mani is much more helpful, and they have a much better experience. At the end of the film the other residents are isolated because they have no love life. The Guest Room is a dramatic, romantic and warm film about two people, Daniel and Amber, who have Down’s Syndrome. They have sex but forgot the condom. They take a pregnancy test and it is positive. She buys Plan B, but it’s not clear if she used it. Daniel tries to propose because he wants to help. Amber say she needs to wait. The parents are scared about them having a baby who has 50% chance of having Down’s Syndrome. Amber’s sister, who is unhappy about the parents’ reaction, tells her there is nothing wrong with having Down’s Syndrome. When Amber is out in public, people talk to her like she’s a baby. In all four of these films there is evidence of isolation and loneliness. Society and attendants are not very helpful. While facing those difficulties, each person depicted shows bravery and optimism. These films are revealing, personal accounts of the lives of the subjects. At times they are funny, and often touching.

Love and Disability Programmed by Joschi Shea
62 minutes

Hannah Aylward and Shane Burcaw, How To Cuddle – 5 Amazing Cuddling Tips, 2018, 7:17 min USA

Jari Osborne, Picture This, 2017, 33:00 min Canada

Anaïs Barbeau-Lavalette & André Turpin, Prends-Moi, 2014,10:00 min Canada

Joshua Tate, Guest Room, 2015, 12:48 min USA